I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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