Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
