watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
