I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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