I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sorry my hands just texted you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
