ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
