Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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