I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
