1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize