so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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