I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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