i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize