Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
