Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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