you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
