Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
