Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
