a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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