I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
