conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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