If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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