if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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