if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
