shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
