Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
