I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
