Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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