i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
