Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
