I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
