found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
