If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
