When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
