I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
