It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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