why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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