just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
