This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
