u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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