angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
