My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
