So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
