There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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