found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
