I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
