i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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