the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
