I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
