I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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