I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
NoShamevember. You game?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
