my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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