my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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