Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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