I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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