is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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