I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
