Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
