Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize