Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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