A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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