Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
