Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize