Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
