CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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