Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
