I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
